I don’t understand tattoos.

Sure, I understand why those little kid decals are cute and all that. But I simply can’t understand why anyone would pay good money to have
a. permanent ink injected into a pattern on your body (considering how many times I’ve changed my mind about wall paint colors and curtains)
b. with a needle {{shudder}}
in order to look like a sailor who drank too much on furlough, or worse yet, like a gangsta. Or a psycho:

And when you keep the tattoo and get old, visualize the image on saggy skin. It ain’t pretty.

After the fad, comes the hangover:

DE’TAT’CHED ATTITUDE
JOB SEEKERS ERASING BODY ART TO COMPETE

When the Dow is low, the “tramp stamp” has to go.

Dermatologists across the city are reporting a boom in tattoo laser removals, as body-art fanatics fretting over their professional image rush to erase their inky mistakes.

“People can’t afford to handicap themselves be cause of a tattoo in a tight job market,” said Dr. Jef frey Rand, founder of the Tattoo Removal Cen ter in Midtown. “We’re seeing a huge surge right now in people getting rid of their tattoos.”

It ain’t cheap:

Now he gets costly laser treatments once a month to expunge the images from his legs.

Erasing a tattoo requires monthly laser blasts, which break up the pigment dye under the skin.

Each painful zap takes about two minutes and costs at least $200 — and a small tattoo the size of a human chin requires a year of treatments to burn off.

Yikes!

Son, if you’re reading this, if you ever consider going into medical school or the sciences by all means specialize in perfecting techonologies for tatoo removal. There’s money in thar hills.