Sell a guinea pig, go to jail.
That’s the law under consideration by San Francisco’s Commission of Animal Control and Welfare. If the commission approves the ordinance at its meeting tonight, San Francisco could soon have what is believed to be the country’s first ban on the sale of all pets except fish.
That includes dogs, cats, hamsters, mice, rats, chinchillas, guinea pigs, birds, snakes, lizards and nearly every other critter, or, as the commission calls them, companion animals.
Here’s what passes for reasoning on this:
“People buy small animals all the time as an impulse buy, don’t know what they’re getting into, and the animals end up at the shelter and often are euthanized,” said commission Chairwoman Sally Stephens. “That’s what we’d like to stop.”
But does it match reality?
But the city’s animal control staff said that excess puppies and kittens are not the problem at the city shelter, thanks to the plethora of rescue groups.
Not to worry. San Francisco’s Commission of Animal Control and Welfare won’t let you buy one all the same.
It’s the hamsters who are the problem, and those don’t come from pet shops anyway,
But those shelter hamsters almost certainly did not originate at a pet store, said Michael Maddox, general counsel for the Pet Industry Joint Advisory Council in Washington, D.C.
Well, San Francisco is a sanctuary city. What about the illegal aliens from countries where people eat hamsters? After all, guinea pigs are part of the Ecuadorian, Colombian and Peruvian cuisines. Perhaps the pet shop owners should locate a group of illegal aliens who dine on hamsters and appeal to the Commission of Animal Control and Welfare, pointing out that depriving the sale of these critters would infringe on the dietary needs of that particular ethnic group.
And you can wash it down with an icy-cold glass of delicious soy milk.
San Francisco bureaucrats: They know what’s good for you, reality or not.