Rent a White Guy
Confessions of a fake businessman from Beijing
Not long ago I was offered work as a quality-control expert with an American company in China I’d never heard of. No experience necessary—which was good, because I had none. I’d be paid $1,000 for a week, put up in a fancy hotel, and wined and dined in Dongying, an industrial city in Shandong province I’d also never heard of. The only requirements were a fair complexion and a suit.
“I call these things ‘White Guy in a Tie’ events,” a Canadian friend of a friend named Jake told me during the recruitment pitch he gave me in Beijing, where I live. “Basically, you put on a suit, shake some hands, and make some money. We’ll be in ‘quality control,’ but nobody’s gonna be doing any quality control. You in?”
Politically incorrect content to follow.
You’re been warned.
While I’m reading this article I couldn’t help but wonder if, considering a finite number of American white males in China, whether all white American males look the same to the Chinese, or whether the Chinese know what’s going on and don’t give a damn.
Of course, here in the USA we have Rent-A-Negro.com which allows
you the chance to promote your connection with a creative, articulate, friendly, attractive, and pleasing African American person.
And here’s your chance to Hire a Puerto Rican!
I am Puerto Rican born-and-raised, well-educated, well-read, and as Joe would put it, “articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking“. You can even say that I’m “fresh, new, smart, and insightful.” If you are interested in hiring me as a speaker (in English, in Spanish, or in Spanglish) for your event, $1,000 a day plus expenses will do.
