Fausta's Blog

American and Latin American Politics, Society, and Culture

December 28, 2009 By Fausta

Fly the unfriendly TSA skies!

Straight from the TSA horse’s mouth, Volokh posts the TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06.

Short version:

  • Make all passengers endure a full pat-down and luggage contents inspection at boarding gate
  • Can’t leave your seat for 1 hour prior to departure time, 1 hour prior to landing
  • No access to any personal belongings while sitting there waiting prior to departure
  • No phone, internet, TV, or GPS any time you’re in the plane
  • No access or use of personal belongings, not even a blanket, 1 hour prior to landing.

Any of you who can explain to me how this prevents a terrorist already on the terror list who’s allowed to board a plane from sewing powerful explosives on their underwear, please do so in the comments section.

I’m mildly phobic about flying, and usually assuage my anxiety of talkeoff and landing by reading and listening to soothing music.  After this I’m going to require full sedation by the time I get to the airport. That way they can just wheel me in, unconscious, prior to takeoff, and wheel me out, equally unconscious, at landing, in a full circle of indignity.

The new restrictions, coupled with all the cost-cutting measures airlines inflict on the suffering customer, make one yearn for the sybaritic comforts of Freddie Laker’s airline, which I flew in my first trip to England, when all we worried about were attacks from the IRA (the Irish terrorists, not the retirement accounts).

Christopher Hitchens casts a jaundiced eye on the new restrictions:

In my boyhood, there were signs on English buses that declared, in bold letters, “No Spitting.” At a tender age, I was able to work out that most people don’t need to be told this, while those who do feel a desire to expectorate on public transport will require more discouragement than a mere sign. But I’d be wasting my time pointing this out to our majestic and sleepless protectors, who now boldly propose to prevent airline passengers from getting out of their seats for the last hour of any flight. Abdulmutallab made his bid in the last hour of his flight, after all. Yes, that ought to do it. It’s also incredibly, nay, almost diabolically clever of our guardians to let it be known what the precise time limit will be. Oh, and by the way, any passenger courageous or resourceful enough to stand up and fight back will also have broken the brave new law.

But! Just when you thought they couldn’t humiliate you more, Gerard had foreseen years ago “Another Reason to Never Fly Anywhere Ever Again”: the bald, fat and naked X-ray.

Behold:

nakedhallowell-thumb

I’d love to travel to Buenos Aires for a tango holiday. Anyone know of any cruises who get there from New York?

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Filed Under: terrorism, travel Tagged With: airlines, Fausta's blog, Freddie Laker, pantybomber, TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06

Comments

  1. Ken Adams says

    December 28, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Words escape me, with the possible exception of those not suitable for polite company.

  2. Fausta says

    December 28, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    There’s always driving, Ken!

  3. Anthony says

    December 28, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    I tried, but it looks like Buenos Aires is an embarkation point for the cruise lines, not a destination. They do have some interesting cruises leaving there for the Antarctic, though.

  4. Silverfiddle says

    December 28, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    I loved the Hitchens article. Unfortunately, it’s all in vain. Our rights are shrinking in the name of political correctness and a refusal to “profile.”

    The guy’s dad dropped a dime on him to our state department for pete’s sake!

  5. Mr. Bingley says

    December 29, 2009 at 7:52 am

    Celebrity has some nice cruises from Chile to BA; that would be fun.

    I’m going to Sao Paulo at the end of January; the food’s better there.

  6. Kathy says

    December 29, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Clearly we have proved to all that since 9/11 we will no longer tolerate terrorist behavior during any flight. The passengers, even unarmed, fend for themselves quite well. The guy on this particular flight was lucky that the passengers did not pummel him to death. He certainly deserved it according to Sharia law, but Westerners don’t do that sort of thing. Plus, wouldn’t it be a lot cheaper and a lot more effective to have many more air marshals than all of these stupid rules, regulations, pat-downs, and x-rays?

  7. Nolanimrod says

    December 29, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Take the train to Chicago, check out the ice sculptures at Lincoln Park, take the City of New Orleans to New Orleans, eat a gross of oysters, have a hurricane at Pat O.’s, see Marcia Ball for New Years at the Maple Leaf Bar on Oak Street, drag what’s left onto a liner and off you go. Except for one thing.

    For a grins I went to look up the fare info for the train and a cruise and put them here and guess what? Train sold out. Wonder why that might be?

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