Carbon offsets are a scam, but only Scott can make them funny:
EPA to monitor eBay sales of personal carbon emissions
“Once the carbon dioxide emissions cap is in place,” said the EPA official, “then those citizens whose exertions, or sheer immensity, generate outputs above federally-permitted levels, must purchase offsets from less hazardous citizens. Craigslist and eBay provide the ideal platform for this exchange, since most carbon-offset sellers already spend most of their time online.”
“This could be a real goldmine for shallow breathers, you know, couch potatoes,” the EPA source said. “And for those who over-exert, spewing out earth-threatening gas at an alarming rate, the penalty of paying for these offsets may induce them to reconsider the cost to humanity of all of that breathing.”
Go read the rest – it gets better.
More Scrappleface here.