Yesterday afternoon at about the same time I came across two very different posts on sex:
On one side, Siggy’s Romantic Illusions And The Higher Self, where he explains,
With real intimacy comes a real oneness and singularity that transcends the biological imperative. With that real intimacy that transcends the biological drives, we find our higher selves. We find ways to communicate in ways outside the physical expression. We come to understand that the most powerful expressions of intimacy are outside the physical realm.
For many people, that kind of intimacy, outside the physical and biological boundaries are the real sexual attractants. Some people find their sexual attractions on a ‘soullular’ plane. They experience the same physical sensations and the same attractions as everyone else. For them however, the genesis of those feelings are found in the higher self and in the higher self of the other. They yearn for sexual expression, but they yearn for that in conjunction with an intimacy that is found outside the purely physical intimacies. They want a spiritual component to their union and will be satisfied with nothing less.
Siggy is talking about a higher self, real intimacy, a more perfect union.
On the other side and a generation younger, the winning essay of the Modern Love: The College Essay Contest, titled Want to Be My Boyfriend? Please Define, a thoroughly depressing account of the hook-up scene among college students.
The young woman who wrote it, Marguerite Fields, states,
I think what I have been seeking in some form from all of these men is permanence.
Sometimes I don’t like them, or am scared of them, and a lot of times I’m just bored by them. But my fear or dislike or boredom never seems to diminish my underlying desire for a guy to stay, or at least to say he is going to stay, for a very long time.
She is not alone: the contest brought about hundreds of entries from college students on “their ambivalence about the no-strings-attached sexual opportunism of the hookup culture.”
A young woman in college, having sexual encounters with dozens of men who are little more than strangers to her, yearns for a guy to at least say he is going to stay.
I find that extremely depressing: She wants not love,
(and forget about a spiritual component to a union – that hasn’t even crossed anyone’s mind).
Porretto: Sex: The Sequel
Intercourse doesn’t really make two bodies into one; except in pathological cases, the two separate soon afterward. But the interpenetration of bodies cannot be divorced from the equally urgent desire for an interpenetration of minds and souls. When we cheapen sex down to a mere satisfaction of physical desire, or worse, a slaking of need, we undermine the foundation for love. If deprived of love for long enough, we lose the capacity to love ourselves.
The “hookup culture” strains to deny these truths. But like a few others known better to our forebears than to us of 2008, they are self-evident — and self-demonstrating. There isn’t a voluptuary in the world who can escape the consequences.
The Anchoress: Progressively lonely and longing
Truly, it is an idea almost as old as civilization – monogamy, family, the unit, which blends two families and then extends out. Given the determined effort of the know-it-all boomers to “deconstruct” all of the worthless and bourgeois establishment norms that went before them – marriage and family were emphatically “out” and “repressive” – it is not surprising to see a generation unable to process the idea of commitment to anything other than “whatever there is today.”
Go read every word of both posts.
Obie’s Sister takes a look at The Hook-Up Generation
UPDATE, Monday May 12
“Casual, careless, lighthearted and fun.”