As Doug and Kathy have been telling us, the new James Bond:
1. is scared boats.
2. drinks his martinis shaken and stirred
3. had a couple of teeth knocked out on the set during one of his first James Bond fight scenes
4. didn’t drive stick shift:
“Er… I don’t do gears.”
5. is petrified of handguns (that’s Britspeak for “scared of guns”).
Bond spends whole days gallavanting around the world chasing after some girl in order to track the bad guys — or at least that’s what he wants “M” to think.
Never mind that Bond’s always too immaculate and doesn’t get dirty.
Bond’s a wuss.
Thank G-d there’s Jack.
Jack’s scared of nuthin’, doesn’t even stop for a drink, if there’s a tooth to be knocked out Jack’s the one doing the knocking, and drives any vehicle he can get into. As for guns, Jack’s nickname is “gun”. Jack gets more done in one day that Bond gets done in a month.
Jack gets so grimy his mom would have thrown him in a tub.
If she dared, that is.