A rant about Cuba Libre Parties
RANT ALERT: IF you don’t want to read a rant, please go on to the next post.

Paxety has a post titled Have A Cuba Libre Party!!!!, where he looks at Colin Cowie’s idea of a Cuban party. I had no idea who Colin Cowie is (I’m more of a Molto Mario person, I guess), so I looked up his website. Colin claims to

Every summer for the past 10 years I’ve had the pleasure of traveling to all the sun-drenched hotspots in Europe. I have learned so many things from traveling around the world.

The sun must have drenched too much of him, but Colin could have learned more from a brief visit to New Jersey than from all his world travels: According to this website, “New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq. mi.) than Havana, Cuba.”

Too bad Colin’s travels didn’t reach Union City. Maybe it isn’t sun-drenched enough. The Summer temperature would qualify as a “hot spot”, though.

Politics aside (since Paxety took care of that in his post), Mr. Cowie, billed as The Early Show resident event planner (their bold print, not mine), manages to pull every cliche out of his catering hat, resorting to such exotic materials as:

• “a market umbrella with a mosquito net behind it”
• “fried tortilla strips” (Note to Colin, tortillas are Mexican. There’s a difference.)

Two words, Colin: Caja China.

• A festive music selection that sends you to Rasta Music’s webiste. As far as one can ascertain, not one song has to do with anything Cuban. Even if he had used the Castro-sponsored Buena Vista Social Club it’d have been an improvement. Celia Cruz, or, of the younger generation, (sound link) Albita, or Gloria Estefan would be appropriate
• “Instead of using fresh-cut flowers, try baskets from Mexico lined with tropical leaves”. Mexico, again. What’s with Mexico??
• “hanging haliconias that come from Hawaii”

Holy Hawaiian hanging haliconias, Batman!

But Colin’s on a roll:

“Instead of a tablecloth, use potato sacking or jute”

This one really got on my nerves.

Colin, let me hold you firmly by both lapels while I heap scorn at your face,

The most humble Caribbean host would rather DIE than use potato sacking as a tablecloth. Hand-embroidered linen tablecloths are de rigeur, and, if it’s a sit-down meal, accompanied with matching dinner or lunch-sized linen napkins. If linen is not affordable, or the hosts want a more casual look, tablecoths of the best-quality fabric the budget would allow. Good-quality paper tablecloths are used for outdoor ocassions, such as picnicking. Not potato sacking, you idiot.

The Daily (correction!) Early Show’s show of cluelessness would only be matched by having Colin feature his watermelon napkin rings at an NAACP convention.

And by the way, Colin, I’m not Cuban, I’m Puerto Rican. There’s a difference.

/end rant.

Update Val goes at it.