The Onion’s recent item on Hosting A Barbecue has more than the usual grains of truth to it, especially the following:
# Marinate your ribs in bourbon before barbecuing. The best way to do this is by pouring the whiskey down your throat.
# For optimal flavor, raise your own animals, make your own charcoal, and distill your own vinegar. For passable flavor, head on down to Smokey’s Ribs & Things out by the airport.
These two pieces of sage advice reminded me that I have been lax in my social duties recently. My friend Mitch hosts an annual event, MEATFEST, at which 99.99% of the plant products consumed are of the fermented variety. At a recent MEATFEST, someone had put corn on the grill, and Mitch declared, “Corn is not food! Corn is what food eats!” In the invitation for MEATFEST, guests are admonished in advance, “you can’t bring anything, maybe a chair, or some Tennessee whisky for the cook.” I am absolutely convinced that the staff of the Onion has attended MEATFEST at some time in the past.
Mitch, my apologies for failing to previously promote MEATFEST on my blog. I hope you can forgive me.