The runaway bride’s get-rich-quick wedding planner checklist:
Announce the engagement.
Send engagement notice, with a photograph, to the local newspaper.
Select wedding date.
Organize guest list as follows:1) must invite, 2) should invite, 3) nice to invite, then invite all 800 of them.
Select and reserve ceremony site.
Select and reserve the officiant.
Select and order bridal gown and headpiece.
Determine color scheme.
Select maid of honor, best man, and 15 bridesmaids and ushers.
Obtain passport, visa(s), birth certificate, if needed for marriage license or honeymoon. Read up on Matthew McConaughey.
A few days before the wedding: cash cell phone rebate check and empty old bank account.
Run off to Austin TX, but end up in Albuquerque NM via Las Vegas.
Get an agent and a lawyer.
Schedule court date(s) after being “found”. Start court-ordered mental health treatment, and begin paying sherrif office for expenses incurred.
Get Katie to pay you $500,000 for interview.
Sign $500,000 book deal.
Postpone wedding date to coincide with TV movie’s premiere.
ALso posted at Blogger News Network
Update From the Anchoress: Another story on a missing for 16 days soon-to-be-bride, who might be getting ten times that $500,000:
Some engaging tidbits
So here’s what I’m hearing about that relationship.
A source VERY close to the deal is saying there’s a contract.
It’s worth $5 million.
It’s for five years.
There will be no sex.
The deal was sealed June 7.
That’s what I’m hearing.
The missing Holmes went to a meeting on April 11. The first link says, “The next time anyone heard from Holmes was on April 27, when she appeared in public as Cruise’s girlfriend and love of his life” (enough time to coordinate their calendars for the upcoming public appearances, and to get her new clothes); the second link says, “The deal was sealed June 7.”
Sounds to me like a reasonable enough amount of time to put together a pre-nup.
And nobody had to go to Albuquerque, either.